Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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