and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I had to cum in my sink.
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