...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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