Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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