Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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