Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
