she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
