i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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