My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
