I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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