Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
