My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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