that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
smell my finger.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
