i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
