The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
