I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
FUCK WHALES
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
