these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize