I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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