Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
