You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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