All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
