I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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