So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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