You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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