totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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