Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
