walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
