tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
