im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm both gender and math confused
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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