I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
