fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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