if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
