Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
