and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
