If i come over, it means nothing
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize