Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
