We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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