guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
