from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
