roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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