It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
