Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
