she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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