I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
