You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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