Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
