I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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