no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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