Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
