i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
