Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
