i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
