how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
