On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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