hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
