I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
