I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
