I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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