I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
