I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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