Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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