He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
