all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
