Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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