she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
