12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
