I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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