I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
