i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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