I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
