i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
