Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
