Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
