Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
