they need to just BURY HIM!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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