Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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