he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
