every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
